It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
