This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm always down for nudity.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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