I should be sponsored by Trojan
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
