yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
