Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
