oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We left an ass print on the piano.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
