I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
