I can text with my tongue
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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