Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
