i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
i out mim tonsoeep
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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