i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
