Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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