What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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