He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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