this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
