Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
