I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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