I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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