this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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