go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
