so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
