There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So drunk its hurt
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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