so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Text me some of your sweat
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
