I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
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I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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