this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
