i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
