It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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