Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
