as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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