whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
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i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
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just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
sex in a hospital.. check
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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