he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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