She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
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I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
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She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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