Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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