dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
