I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
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get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
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I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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