I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
