How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
