Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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