I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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