You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
