a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
