I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i can't believe i had my finger in that
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
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Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
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I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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