Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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