I'm going to jail i love you
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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