i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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