Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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