He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
