I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
...so i touched it.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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