Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
