At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
