I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
