i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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