It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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