good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
