I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
