I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
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Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
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The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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