see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
