is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
