Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
