I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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