There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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