i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
