Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
