operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
