I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
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i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
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Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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