I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
