I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
