we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
