Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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