I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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