Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
